He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Randomize
