You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize