I'm jealous of your bromance
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
