Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize
