If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
