You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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