and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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