wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
We don't watch enough power rangers
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
