Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
BRING THE BAGELS
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
