took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
