bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
