I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
