In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
