At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
