those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
