Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
