I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Randomize
