we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
