I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
