All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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