she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
