Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
