I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just gift wrapped bread.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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