woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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