I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
