a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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