i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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