Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
