Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize