JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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