you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
