i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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