you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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