So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
