Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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