Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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