So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
