Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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