I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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