So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Drake has all the answers
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
