Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize