Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I need a burrito and a hug.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
