Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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