Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
look no pants
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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