I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
