She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
This is my gift to your gina
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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