You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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