he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
