I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
