dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
