He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
