i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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