Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
