This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
