So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
