you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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