New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
