dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
