I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
