u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
