hell yes lets make some ravioli
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
my poor anus
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize