I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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