I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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