I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I could fuck to npr.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
