i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
her facebook's as public as her vagina
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize
