I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
