Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
