ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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