The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
