i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize