3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
