My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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