He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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