Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
