Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
