um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
