I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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