when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
