Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You ruined the universe
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
