$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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