I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Randomize