my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
