Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
