I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
