im about as happy as oj after his trial
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
