my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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