I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize