God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
