I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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