God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
