normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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