Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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