I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
