Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
