worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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