That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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