I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Randomize
