Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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