I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
