sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
